Afraid Of Change

Why are we so afraid of change?

6 months after injuring my leg whilst running I have finally gone to a sports therapist to start sorting it out.  Why has it taken me 6 months?   You could just call it laziness or sheer stubborn mindedness… I thought it would just go away if I stopped running for a couple of weeks…. and it did so I started running again, the pain came back, I rested it for another week or so, pain went away, running started, pain came back etc etc. 

In the last 6 months I have lost a lot of fitness, put on weight and have been living with pain…. So what on earth stopped me getting it sorted and rehabbing it properly in the first place?  Had I gone to the sports therapist at the time of the injury I would be on course for running the Exeter half marathon in a few weeks’ time, feeling fit & healthy but here I am off games for at least another 6 weeks whilst the tendon heals & I strengthen the surrounding structures.
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I know I’m not the only one!  We put off going to see the doctors/physio/dentist even though pain or discomfort is stopping us leading our life to the full.  It is exactly the same with the health of our mind – we live with negative beliefs & thought patterns, destructive behaviours, past trauma, toxic work/home situations all the time & often we settle for the life that this gives us, adapting & limiting our goals and dreams along the way.  
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This can play out in big fat life choices too. It can mean we DON’T;

• go for the big promotion at work;
• chuck in the job we no longer like and set up our dream business;
• say yes to the opportunity to lead a high-profile project at work;
• go and work with a charity abroad saving the lesser spotted dinglewhatsit….

WHY????
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The Ostrich Problem

In 2013 researchers at Sheffield University carried out a study on, what they term as, the Ostrich Problem.  The research found that we avoided information & situations that were potentially going to help us because we are afraid of an accurate assessment of reality. The logic behind it is that we want to avoid negative feelings & our projections of the future are generally negative.  So, in the case of going for a new job or promotion etc we concentrate on the potential for negative feelings associated with not getting the job/promotion.  In my case I know I was concerned that it was actually my hip that had finally given up the ghost after years of abuse (running is not the kindest form of exercise for your joints at the best of times let alone when you are carrying excess evidence of a life well lived!) & being told I couldn’t run again.
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How our brains hold us back
Our brain has one main aim; to keep us alive.  Two other points are that the brain wants to use as little energy as possible just in case it needs the energy to fight a tiger and it likes certainty.  These two points could help explain why we bury our heads in the sand – if we have found ways to adapt to our current situation then these adaptations (thoughts, behaviours, actions) have become automatic; like the path of least resistance for our brain therefore they take up less energy. It doesn’t matter that they may be holding us back – they are familiar & therefore there is a degree of certainty.  When we start changing these adaptations, we expend a lot of energy – both mental & physical & we do not necessarily know the outcome. 

So you see it is all very natural BUT the question is does it serve you? Are you happy to settle?
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Coaches often describe what we do as disrupting normal thought and behaviour patterns to help people move forward.  (The irony isn’t lost on me here – I do this all the time with my clients and yet when it came to my injury I went with the easiest option of doing nothing)!  We challenge habitual thinking and raise self awareness.  This is all well and good but nothing will change without ACTION!

“If you always do what you’ve always done you’ll always get what you’ve always got” Henry Ford

How can we help ourselves move forward?  
If you are facing any sort of change or you know there is something that is holding you back; here are some questions that could help:

• What’s the worst that can happen?
• How likely is that?  (A bit like a risk analysis!)
• What’s the BEST that can happen? (Take your time on this one, really go into detail around how your situation would be different once you have made the change)
• How will you feel in 5 years time if you do not make the change?
• How will you feel in 5 years time if you do make the change?
• What one small step could you make today to start your journey towards the change?

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There are lots of books out there in the self help arena but one that my clients have found really helpful on this topic is Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers.  If you would like to take the next step and discuss how coaching could help you adopt a more positive mindset & embrace change then please do contact me to arrange a FREE consultation call.

Best wishes
 Annie x