Direction Over Destination

​A different kind of new year
Well… The summer solstice has been and gone. Once again we've reached the mid point of the year. Six months behind us, six months stretching ahead. Unlike the beginning of January, there’s no countdown, no fireworks… no massive pressure encouraging us to set hard and fast goals for the month or year. This turning point seems much quieter than that. And yet it can still be a time where we gravitate towards reflecting on the last 6 months and planning for the next. 

Looking towards the natural world for guidance (as I often do) I notice that our kin don’t seem to give two hoots about ‘reviewing their progress’… or ‘setting SMART goals’ for how many leaves they can grow or seeds they can shed… the swallows aren’t wearing smart watches encouraging them to move/fly and counting their wing beats… oh... hang on a minute... I seem to be going off on a different rant!!!!!  Coming back to my point... whilst I believe it’s of HUGE importance to remember we are animals I also know that we've evolved wonderfully complex brains. We think ahead, we make plans, we reflect, we worry, we imagine. That's part of being human. So this midpoint… this pause point… perhaps there's something useful in borrowing a little wisdom from the natural world whilst still acknowledging the reality of the lives we lead.

Instead of asking whether we've achieved everything we hoped we would by now, what if we simply paused to notice where we are? Life rarely unfolds in the way we imagined it would back in January. Some things we hoped for haven't happened, while opportunities, challenges and unexpected twists have arrived without invitation. Whether we realise it or not, we've all been shaped by the past six months.

What have you stopped noticing?
The funny thing is, our brains aren't actually brilliant at recognising change when it happens gradually. They're much better at spotting what's missing, what's gone wrong or what still needs fixing. Psychologists call this our negativity bias – an evolutionary hangover that once kept us alive by helping us scan for danger. It's incredibly useful if there's a bear lurking behind a bush. Slightly less useful when it convinces us that everyone else has got life sorted because their social media feed looks like they’re living the life of ruddy Riley…who actually was Riley by the way???  Another digression…sorry!!!

So this negativity bias means we can reach July with a nagging sense (or really loud inner critic) that we haven't done enough, when actually we've been quietly adapting all along. Perhaps we've become more resilient. Maybe we've learnt where our boundaries need to be. Maybe we've found the courage to have a difficult conversation, started asking for help or realised that something we'd been clinging to no longer fits. Those things rarely make it onto a to-do list, or get any type of acknowledgement at all actually but they're often the moments that change us most.

Again if we looked to the natural world growth isn't always obvious either. Trees don't suddenly shoot up overnight and hedgerows don't announce when they're full of new life. The changes are subtle until one day you notice that the blackberries are forming or the evenings are drawing in just a little earlier. Maybe our own growth is a bit like that. Perhaps this halfway point isn't about measuring what we've achieved, but noticing who we're becoming.

Goals… or something else?
Now, before you think I've completely gone off the idea of goals, let me explain. There is plenty of research showing that setting goals can help us focus our attention and sustain motivation. Having a sense of purpose matters, and when our goals genuinely reflect what is important to us, they can help us make choices that align with the life we want to live.  This is often the work in coaching – finding goals that really reflect YOU and not the you that’s utterly smothered by others expectations…

And yet… what I’m questioning is how we've come to think about goals. Somewhere along the line they've become another way of measuring whether we're succeeding at life. We set them with the very best of intentions, and then when life inevitably throws us a curveball, we decide we've failed… they become a stick to beat ourselves with.  I've lost count of the number of conversations I've had with people who feel shame because they're ‘behind’ or nowhere near or ‘given up’  as though life follows a neat timetable.

And then there's the fact that traditional goal setting doesn't work for everyone. Many of the neurodivergent people I work alongside tell me that big goals can feel overwhelming rather than motivating. If your brain thrives on curiosity, connection or following an interest, a rigid target can feel less like an invitation and more like a pressure... or a straight jacket for some. Executive functioning differences, perfectionism and fluctuating capacity & energy can all make conventional goal setting feel like trying to squeeze yourself into someone else's shoes. This is a reminder that one size rarely fits all.

Direction over destination
One of my favourite quotes about goals comes from the fabulous positive psychologist Tal Ben-Shahar, who suggests that we should:

"choose the goal that will give you the best journey."

​Every time I read those words, they make me stop and think.  Happier is my favourite book by him if you’re interested!  So… What if that's the question we've been missing?  Instead of asking, What do I want to achieve? perhaps we could ask, What kind of journey do I want these next six months to be? Which direction will help me become more curious? More connected? More courageous? More compassionate? Which path is likely to help me grow, regardless of whether I end up exactly where I thought I would?

This reminds me of another quote that has stayed with me for years. Carl Rogers wrote:

"The good life is a process, not a fixed state of being. It is a direction, not a destination."
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I think that's why this halfway point in the year feels so important. It gives us a chance to stop measuring ourselves against an imaginary finish line and instead ask whether we're moving in a direction that feels right. Not perfect. Not complete. Just true to who we are now.

That feels like a much kinder way of thinking about the future. Direction gives us something to orient ourselves towards without pretending we know exactly what's around the next bend. It allows us to adapt when circumstances change, to notice opportunities we hadn't expected and to take the occasional detour without believing we've somehow failed.

The next six months
So... as the days slowly begin to shorten again, I'm wondering whether this quieter turning point offers something that January rarely does. Not the pressure to reinvent ourselves, but an invitation to reorient ourselves. To pause. To notice what's already changed. To acknowledge what has been hard. To celebrate what has quietly grown. And then, when we're ready, to choose the direction that feels right from here.

There are still six months ahead, full of conversations we haven't had, places we haven't explored, people we haven't met and possibilities we can't yet imagine.  What a ruddy privilege it is to have all that ahead of us!
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So before setting a list of hard and fast goals here are a few questions to ponder...

• Looking back over the last six months, what has changed in me that I hadn't really noticed?
• What has brought me the greatest sense of joy, meaning or connection this year?
• What have I learnt that I want to carry with me into the next season?
• What am I ready to leave behind or to the side?
• What deserves more of my attention over the next six months?
• If I focused on direction rather than destination, what direction feels right for me now?
• Which opportunities are likely to give me the richest journey, even if I don't know exactly where they'll lead?
• When I reach the end of the year, what do I hope I'll be able to say about the way I travelled through it?

 
As ever I’d love to hear your thoughts, reflections and feedback.  Please do get in touch 😊
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